So I have been painting up a storm these days, it feels good. I have done about 5 paintings this month. Two people have, 3 are chilling out in my living room. I kind of want to try a self portrait, see how I do with it.

Shane and I are planning to move to Vancouver in the spring. Looking at prices and places, it makes me a little sad. They are just so expensive, and places that will allow pets are hard to find. We are probably going to need a room mate. Dawn… Sarkia… EEHHHH?

I… don’t really have much else to update with. Things have been pretty tame. We gt a duvet for $44. It was $88 but apparently it was on sale. YAY SURPRISES!  We also got a super colourful cover for it from Ikea. It makes our room look so much… happier.

Annnd that’s about it.

So lets see things to update with.

Shane still has yet to find a job. I donno if he is just hiding it well, or if he doesn’t think about it as much as I do, but I never see him worry about not working. I mean I think about it ever 10 minutes. It drives me insane thinking about how I am the only one bringing in money. I don’t make that much, and I have a lot of big bills to pay. Rent, car, insurance, cell phone. And then I have to save up to go to BC for Christmas. I really want  Shane to come down with me this time, have him meet my family, since I met all of his. I also haven’t spent a holiday with them since I moved to Calgary. I am rambling here, the point is we can’t do that if he hasn’t got a job.
Speaking of, I am also worried about what happens if I get laid off at the end of December. They are supposed to give us a months notice, but I donno, I took a HUGE chance taking this job in hopes that I would be keeping it. And I keep getting told different things. I just wish they would tell us if we are going to be staying or not.

I got my winter tires put on. Courtesy of my mom and stepdad. I was going to not get them since they are expensive. But my mom insisted she get them for my birthday. After the first snow fall and my tires sliding around all over the place I accepted. They have metal studs in them, it makes me feel SUPER loud when I drive. Like my car is walking in heels. So fancy.

Hrruum. I think that is about it. I am pretty sure my body is telling me I need a break. I got sick, and I am always tired. I am also getting restless, I want to go see my friends back home and my family. ;-; I miss them. </3

So lately I have been into watching stop motion videos on YouTube. I want to make one. But dear lord I haven’t the patience or the people to do so with me. Though since Shane won’t be working till he finds a job I suppose on my days off we could do something. Maybe Monday. I have also been meaning to start a painting. I just can’t seem to find the time, sadly when I do have time I end up wasting it on the internet. I think its time I start moving away from the computer. Maybe try and limit myself to a few hours a day. Then I could get shit done. I feel like a goof when my parents ask if I have done my art and I say yes, even though its a doodle on paper towel at work. I also want to get this foam stuff from Home Depot so I can spray it in a canvas and then paint on it. I think it would be a fun experiment. That and caulking. All idea’s in the cogs of my brain I guess.

Hmm whaaat else? Work has been super slow. For the busy season this is pretty tame, how long are people going to use the economy as an excuse to do nothing? Baaahhhhh. I really thought I had more to say. This is just terrible. DREADFUL UPDATE IS DREADFUL!

My friend Katrina was here with her boyfriend… they uhh.. had sex in my living room? In front of my bunnies. How could you sex in front on an animal. I wouldn’t be able to shake the feeling that they were watching and taking note.I mean they do it when I pee with the door open( I poop with the door closed, I think its too personal.)

I also saw Jennifer’s Body. Better than I thought it would be. I will probably end up getting it because it brought some good lawls. And Megan Fox creeped the fuck out of me at a few points. I actually though my soul shriveled up and cried when she became a demon. Maybe it was the unbrushed teeth?

I am finding out more and more about my family. And it makes more and more sense every day about half the things I felt when I was little and how I am down. Lovely.

I will do a better up date later.

So, a few things have happened recently. Lewis left the house and never came back. My dad figures coyotes got him. I was super sad and ended up having a fit about the whole thing and thinking about other pets that have just always kinda been there, not being there any more. It’s ok Shane was there to tell me to stop being a baby.

Speaking of things that were always there and wont be… Betsy my first car has been given up for parts. I love the car but shes old (about 15) and I would say its time to get her off the road now before she is one of those pieces of shit on the road that pisses everyone off. You know the one. But yeah. Shes getting on and its time to let her go. I don’t want to listen to my parents when they find out I made NO money off of her. Bah.

And on to parents. My dad and Marj will be moving. They sold their place and thus are trying to find a new place. I dislike that I will have to search to find both my mom and my dads place when I eventually go to visit. (if this ever happens gah)

Matt Goods new CD is coming out soon. The songs are pretty much awesome. Shane got his pre-order.

I got some new cloths. Yay! Pants that fit me better. I guess I lost more weight than I thought with this work out thing. Not that I am complaining. I also got an ipod touch. My old ipod went missing after fire works.

I have been working non stop lately. Its insane. By the end of today(assuming I don’t work over time) I will be up to 75.5 hours. My next pay cheque will be awesome. If I keep working this much I will be able to get a new laptop sooner than I thought.

This is all I got for now. Off to work.

Well I am on my last 10 days of my work out. Oh lordy it going to suuuuuck. But it is worth it to not feel like ass when I see myself  in the mirror. When I am done I will post the progress from start to finish.

Shane passed his Learners license. I can finally start to teach him how to drive which is nice. Probs going to start slow with parking and then go to driving on smaller streets before I take him near Deerfoot Trail. I want my full license before we go to that stage. Which I should do sooner or later. I mean.. I know I can drive. I just hate being tested on it. And this is a HUGE place I am used to doing this stuff in smaller town like Kelowna and Oliver. -sigh- If only I could take the test out there… or just get my license switched over there so they can just give me my full one and re-switch. One day, one day. Maybe after the winter. Or just before then.. I am in no HUGE rush. Just as long as there is no snow.

This is going to be a super quick super lame update.

I saw Inglorious Bastards and District 9. Both excellent movies that I think you should all see. Inglorious Bastards was funnier than I thought it would be. Unfortunately we had terrible seating (seriously it was the front fuckin row ugh). And to be honest. Brad Pitt’s face from that angle looks silly. I mean it was all chin.. ALL OF IT.

I think I need to start saving for a new computer. This one is shitting the bed, its shitting the bed bad. Its not even solid shit, its a liquid mess all over the place. I can’t right click, I have to hit the screen, it turns its self off, highlights everything I write at random and deletes it, my left clicker is now permanently slanted.. like it just gave out. Fuck… Its not even 5 years old yet. Damn Acer. RAAGGGEEE. I will get a new one and it will be awesome and not a shitty quality one. Maybe a Mac if I can afford it.

Work is alright. I have been pulling a lot of over time. Hopefully I will have an awesome pay cheque next week. I need a good one super bad. My last pay cheque was terrible all because I missed ONE day. Just one day. Merf.

I have started working out. A dvd by Jillian Micheals from The Biggest Loser. Its a 30 day (every day) thing and you do it for 20 minutes with 3 levels. Each one gets harder. It sounds much MUCH easier than it is. But I can already see the difference in my body, its good stuff. I can also fit Shane’s pant now. If you have seen him.. you would know what an accomplishment that it. The man is skinny as all hell. I must say though, I hate the plank position. Its not fun. It hurts and is uncomfortable. Once my 30 days are done I will just go back to level one and stick to it. No plank, and I could feel it working my abs more.

Hooo hum lets see what else.  Gary (Meeestore) came down. It was excellent times. It made me miss my Okanagan friends so much. I don’t know what it is about this place but people don’t seem the same. At all.

Shane is in a band now. But they have no singer… or drummer. So really… its half a band. But I can’t wait till they get a drummer and singer so I can hear the stuff they pump out. I think it will be awesome. I also think it would be sweet to be at one of their shows when they get to that part(assuming I am not working.)

I made my first online purchase today. Soon I will have my Poi and be bashing myself super hard in the legs with LED balls on string. It will be awesome. I am super excited for these.

Other than that I have nothing to say really. Yay updates?

Yes another secret. I can’t think of interesting things from myself and this gives me something to update with.

So I was browsing Post Secrets again came across this lovely one. I happen to know this feeling all to well. It had been one of my initial fears of taking the pills. I had hear things about people going on them and then stopping and going a little weird in the head. My brothers ex girlfriend had been one of them. I was also terribly afraid to become overly depended on them and have freak outs if I weren’t on them (I have seen it happen its not pretty). After making sure none of this would happen, I did end up taking them. Thankfully. It helped a lot, I was actually told by the nurse who was monitoring me (she had to to make sure the pills didn’t take a negative effect and make me more suicidal) say I was like a whole new person. I am not sure if I changed so much after taking the pills that there was a personality change you would have to ask people that spent time with me. In the end I feel it was a good decision. One that my dad and step mom to this day do not know about ( they didn’t want me to so I just didn’t tell them).

I’m scared the anti-depressants will change who I am, and no one will like me any more.

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868/ www.kidshelpphone.ca

]]> http://squishymoosekibbles.wordpress.com/2009/07/31/im-scared-secret-2/feed/ 0 Shay http://squishymoosekibbles.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/secrets/ http://squishymoosekibbles.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/secrets/#comments Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:34:43 +0000 Shay http://squishymoosekibbles.wordpress.com/?p=245 ]]>

I am taking a leaf out of TracyLee’s blogging. I am going to do a “secret” post.

I found one that sadly couldn’t be more true.
For a long time when I first moved out here to Calgary I was very lonely. Despite the fact that I had Shane to hang out with all the time it was different from hanging out with my friends such as Dawn, Cam, Hayley and Brin. I wanted other people to hang out with and sit and be stupid with watching TV, going for random trips to DQ and the like. So after a while of working at Mr Lube I would invite someone I didn’t totally like to hang out. It was lame and probably makes me sound like a terrible person but really I had no friends to speak of and I was pretty desperate so to speak. I had a need to have more than one person to be around. Of course this one person irritated me more often than not. We never really hung out again. Thankfully after a while I met other people who were much MUCH more interesting and not annoying to the point that  I want to tape their mouth shut. In fact I have found some friends that I really rather enjoy hanging out with and wish it were more often (conflicting scheduals don’t help). Even so even just hanging out with Shane feels enough these days. And being alone doesn’t feel nearly as lonely as it once was which feels very nice. But one day I would very much like to have it where I live near enough to my friends again.

I hate it when I make plans with someone I don’t even like,
just to pass the time.

I think its high time to update this thing. After all there are like what three people who read this thing? (optimism its probs only 2)

Any ways. Not much has happened. I would mention the Okanagan fire but HEYYYY your all from there you know all about it! Uhh… my new job is going fine. Just weighing dirt. OH! I did deal with some dirt that would have made the BEST sand castle ever. I really wanted to just dump it onto the table and have at it. I couldn’t but I really wanted to. Um yeah that’s about it.

This is the best wedding entry ever. I think more weddings should be like this.

And thats about it.