Ragefuck is a silly word

So lately I have been into watching stop motion videos on YouTube. I want to make one. But dear lord I haven’t the patience or the people to do so with me. Though since Shane won’t be working till he finds a job I suppose on my days off we could do something. Maybe Monday. I have also been meaning to start a painting. I just can’t seem to find the time, sadly when I do have time I end up wasting it on the internet. I think its time I start moving away from the computer. Maybe try and limit myself to a few hours a day. Then I could get shit done. I feel like a goof when my parents ask if I have done my art and I say yes, even though its a doodle on paper towel at work. I also want to get this foam stuff from Home Depot so I can spray it in a canvas and then paint on it. I think it would be a fun experiment. That and caulking. All idea’s in the cogs of my brain I guess.

Hmm whaaat else? Work has been super slow. For the busy season this is pretty tame, how long are people going to use the economy as an excuse to do nothing? Baaahhhhh. I really thought I had more to say. This is just terrible. DREADFUL UPDATE IS DREADFUL!

My friend Katrina was here with her boyfriend… they uhh.. had sex in my living room? In front of my bunnies. How could you sex in front on an animal. I wouldn’t be able to shake the feeling that they were watching and taking note.I mean they do it when I pee with the door open( I poop with the door closed, I think its too personal.)

I also saw Jennifer’s Body. Better than I thought it would be. I will probably end up getting it because it brought some good lawls. And Megan Fox creeped the fuck out of me at a few points. I actually though my soul shriveled up and cried when she became a demon. Maybe it was the unbrushed teeth?

Intresting

I am finding out more and more about my family. And it makes more and more sense every day about half the things I felt when I was little and how I am down. Lovely.

I will do a better up date later.

Quicky.

Well I am on my last 10 days of my work out. Oh lordy it going to suuuuuck. But it is worth it to not feel like ass when I see myself  in the mirror. When I am done I will post the progress from start to finish.

Shane passed his Learners license. I can finally start to teach him how to drive which is nice. Probs going to start slow with parking and then go to driving on smaller streets before I take him near Deerfoot Trail. I want my full license before we go to that stage. Which I should do sooner or later. I mean.. I know I can drive. I just hate being tested on it. And this is a HUGE place I am used to doing this stuff in smaller town like Kelowna and Oliver. -sigh- If only I could take the test out there… or just get my license switched over there so they can just give me my full one and re-switch. One day, one day. Maybe after the winter. Or just before then.. I am in no HUGE rush. Just as long as there is no snow.

Bull Shit, God has horns!

This is going to be a super quick super lame update.

I saw Inglorious Bastards and District 9. Both excellent movies that I think you should all see. Inglorious Bastards was funnier than I thought it would be. Unfortunately we had terrible seating (seriously it was the front fuckin row ugh). And to be honest. Brad Pitt’s face from that angle looks silly. I mean it was all chin.. ALL OF IT.

I think I need to start saving for a new computer. This one is shitting the bed, its shitting the bed bad. Its not even solid shit, its a liquid mess all over the place. I can’t right click, I have to hit the screen, it turns its self off, highlights everything I write at random and deletes it, my left clicker is now permanently slanted.. like it just gave out. Fuck… Its not even 5 years old yet. Damn Acer. RAAGGGEEE. I will get a new one and it will be awesome and not a shitty quality one. Maybe a Mac if I can afford it.

Work is alright. I have been pulling a lot of over time. Hopefully I will have an awesome pay cheque next week. I need a good one super bad. My last pay cheque was terrible all because I missed ONE day. Just one day. Merf.

I have started working out. A dvd by Jillian Micheals from The Biggest Loser. Its a 30 day (every day) thing and you do it for 20 minutes with 3 levels. Each one gets harder. It sounds much MUCH easier than it is. But I can already see the difference in my body, its good stuff. I can also fit Shane’s pant now. If you have seen him.. you would know what an accomplishment that it. The man is skinny as all hell. I must say though, I hate the plank position. Its not fun. It hurts and is uncomfortable. Once my 30 days are done I will just go back to level one and stick to it. No plank, and I could feel it working my abs more.

Hooo hum lets see what else.  Gary (Meeestore) came down. It was excellent times. It made me miss my Okanagan friends so much. I don’t know what it is about this place but people don’t seem the same. At all.

Shane is in a band now. But they have no singer… or drummer. So really… its half a band. But I can’t wait till they get a drummer and singer so I can hear the stuff they pump out. I think it will be awesome. I also think it would be sweet to be at one of their shows when they get to that part(assuming I am not working.)

I made my first online purchase today. Soon I will have my Poi and be bashing myself super hard in the legs with LED balls on string. It will be awesome. I am super excited for these.

Other than that I have nothing to say really. Yay updates?

I’m Scared. (Secret 2)

Yes another secret. I can’t think of interesting things from myself and this gives me something to update with.

So I was browsing Post Secrets again came across this lovely one. I happen to know this feeling all to well. It had been one of my initial fears of taking the pills. I had hear things about people going on them and then stopping and going a little weird in the head. My brothers ex girlfriend had been one of them. I was also terribly afraid to become overly depended on them and have freak outs if I weren’t on them (I have seen it happen its not pretty). After making sure none of this would happen, I did end up taking them. Thankfully. It helped a lot, I was actually told by the nurse who was monitoring me (she had to to make sure the pills didn’t take a negative effect and make me more suicidal) say I was like a whole new person. I am not sure if I changed so much after taking the pills that there was a personality change you would have to ask people that spent time with me. In the end I feel it was a good decision. One that my dad and step mom to this day do not know about ( they didn’t want me to so I just didn’t tell them).

I’m scared the anti-depressants will change who I am, and no one will like me any more.

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868/ www.kidshelpphone.ca

Dance Forever

I think its high time to update this thing. After all there are like what three people who read this thing? (optimism its probs only 2)

Any ways. Not much has happened. I would mention the Okanagan fire but HEYYYY your all from there you know all about it! Uhh… my new job is going fine. Just weighing dirt. OH! I did deal with some dirt that would have made the BEST sand castle ever. I really wanted to just dump it onto the table and have at it. I couldn’t but I really wanted to. Um yeah that’s about it.

This is the best wedding entry ever. I think more weddings should be like this.

And thats about it.

Giddy up

Man oh man. I just read my last blog and its OLLLLD.
I have a new job now. I am a soil analyst, means I play with dirt. And not always normal dirt, some times its smelly dirt. Any who. My training for that is now done. I can listen to my ipod and I work nights (yay for sleeping in).
I was emotionally retarded for a while there, I think it was partly not seeing my friends and family. Probably also because I didn’t get the well needed time off. It was super lame and I am glad its over. I am pretty sure my female emotional hole was eating Shane a bit. BUT ITS ALL GOOD NOW! S’ALL GOOD! Emotional retardation is over. Lets see what else?
Went to the Stampede with Shane and a bunch of friends from all over the place. It was good times. Dusty picked me up twice. Both with out me expecting it. Once was me walking in front of him looking for everyone else and BAM he scooped me up from the legs and started running. In the end I was screaming like a freak (so many weird looks) I was nearly dropped. And then when we were chillin’ waiting for the fireworks (or was it after…) and he scooped me off the damn stairs. I was clinging to him for dear life and then let go and nearly went into the pavement, I caught myself thought. Shane and I got our pictures taken like the old west. It was fun times.
I then went to see Melissa’s horse with her yesterday. Lordy it was silly good times.

Sadly this small update is all I have.  Oh and to see the picture of Shane and I go to my flickr link. There are also horse riding picutres there too.

Halo

Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they’re tumbling down. And they didn’t even put up a fight, they didn’t even make up a sound. I found a way to let you in but I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo, I got my angel now. It’s like I’ve been awakened. Every rule I had you breakin’. It’s the risk that I’m takin’.I ain’t never gonna shut you out. Everywhere I’m looking now I’m surrounded by your embrace. Baby I can see your halo, you know you’re my saving grace. You’re everything I need and more, it’s written all over your face. Baby I can feel your halo Pray it won’t fade away. I can feel your halo hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night. You’re the only one that I want. Think I’m addicted to your light. I swore I’d never fall again, but this don’t even feel like falling. Gravity can’t forget to pull me back to the ground again.

That song could not be more true. Oddly enough sung by Beyonce whom I am not a huge fan of.

In other news, I cleaned the house HURRAH. I have yet to eat, not sure what I should consume for lunch. I will go ponder this else where.

This is not an umbrella.

Ok so it has been a good long time sine I updated this.

Sooo here she goes.

I retruned home from the Okanagan. Worked stayed shitty, other than today… today was pretty funny. The way things are going lately with work and us hardly making budget I think someone will get fired soon. If its me I don’t think I will be all that heart broken. I want something better, better pay, doesn’t make me smell like crap and breaks my nails I tried sooooo hard to grow. Whine whine whine.
I got a tattoo last Thursday. The thing has a personal vendetta against me. It itches in the most inconvenient times ever. There are pictures on flickr. I will also be getting one next Saturday. Its going to be a grumpy little cartoon fish. I will name him Fred.
Uhh… what else is new? Hm.. I donno.My mind seems to settle on the same topic. Its weird. My mind almost NEVER keeps going back to one thing this often. I am not in the mood to say what it is. Which makes this kind of a stupid thing to put in here but what ever.
I really have nothing to say.
Wow…
I suck at this.

From the fog

So its been a while since I updated. I suppose I should do so since tons has happened. I tired to fly to Kelowna since Wednesday January the 14th. My flights kept getting canceled while I was floating above Kelowna. I got here Saturday night, and went to Dawn’s and we had our get together. Which both Dawn and I were utterly exhausted for. It ended fairly early, I went home at around 12 and chilled in bed reading and such. Sunday Dawn and I went to the mall, I got a shirt and a belt. Josh who happens to work at Spenser’s picked me up while I was on the phone with my mom (whom told me to stop having so much fun while I was talking to her. XD) And I saw Jamie. He works in Randy River. Good times. I went to the school today. It seemed empty being with Jason and Tara. I don’t know what it was but it felt like standing in a room all alone. There was no substance to being with them. After I left them and there was like Dawn, Cam, Danny, Tyler and Becky things felt normal again. Becky and I went to see Hayley at her work and hung out with her during her lunch. Then I went to get Dawn, Cam, Gavin and Nick to go to Dawn’s house to make cake (there are pictures of that on my flickr). Danny showed up later. It has been a hectic couple of days with out sleeping properly. I hate that Shane’s not in the bed with me. Its nice knowing your not alone laying awake at night, you can always turn over and see someone there. Here its like I turn over and see a mound of breathing fur at my feet. I miss Shane. It’s only been 3 days. I am so lame.  I go to my mom’s tomorrow. She wants a family photo so we are doing that and then we will be driving down to her place. I will be getting my hair trimmed while I am there as well. I need it badly.

That’s all I have at the moment I suppose.