I’m Scared. (Secret 2)

Yes another secret. I can’t think of interesting things from myself and this gives me something to update with.

So I was browsing Post Secrets again came across this lovely one. I happen to know this feeling all to well. It had been one of my initial fears of taking the pills. I had hear things about people going on them and then stopping and going a little weird in the head. My brothers ex girlfriend had been one of them. I was also terribly afraid to become overly depended on them and have freak outs if I weren’t on them (I have seen it happen its not pretty). After making sure none of this would happen, I did end up taking them. Thankfully. It helped a lot, I was actually told by the nurse who was monitoring me (she had to to make sure the pills didn’t take a negative effect and make me more suicidal) say I was like a whole new person. I am not sure if I changed so much after taking the pills that there was a personality change you would have to ask people that spent time with me. In the end I feel it was a good decision. One that my dad and step mom to this day do not know about ( they didn’t want me to so I just didn’t tell them).

I’m scared the anti-depressants will change who I am, and no one will like me any more.

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868/ www.kidshelpphone.ca

Secrets

I am taking a leaf out of TracyLee’s blogging. I am going to do a “secret” post.

I found one that sadly couldn’t be more true.
For a long time when I first moved out here to Calgary I was very lonely. Despite the fact that I had Shane to hang out with all the time it was different from hanging out with my friends such as Dawn, Cam, Hayley and Brin. I wanted other people to hang out with and sit and be stupid with watching TV, going for random trips to DQ and the like. So after a while of working at Mr Lube I would invite someone I didn’t totally like to hang out. It was lame and probably makes me sound like a terrible person but really I had no friends to speak of and I was pretty desperate so to speak. I had a need to have more than one person to be around. Of course this one person irritated me more often than not. We never really hung out again. Thankfully after a while I met other people who were much MUCH more interesting and not annoying to the point that  I want to tape their mouth shut. In fact I have found some friends that I really rather enjoy hanging out with and wish it were more often (conflicting scheduals don’t help). Even so even just hanging out with Shane feels enough these days. And being alone doesn’t feel nearly as lonely as it once was which feels very nice. But one day I would very much like to have it where I live near enough to my friends again.

I hate it when I make plans with someone I don’t even like,
just to pass the time.

Dance Forever

I think its high time to update this thing. After all there are like what three people who read this thing? (optimism its probs only 2)

Any ways. Not much has happened. I would mention the Okanagan fire but HEYYYY your all from there you know all about it! Uhh… my new job is going fine. Just weighing dirt. OH! I did deal with some dirt that would have made the BEST sand castle ever. I really wanted to just dump it onto the table and have at it. I couldn’t but I really wanted to. Um yeah that’s about it.

This is the best wedding entry ever. I think more weddings should be like this.

And thats about it.

Giddy up

Man oh man. I just read my last blog and its OLLLLD.
I have a new job now. I am a soil analyst, means I play with dirt. And not always normal dirt, some times its smelly dirt. Any who. My training for that is now done. I can listen to my ipod and I work nights (yay for sleeping in).
I was emotionally retarded for a while there, I think it was partly not seeing my friends and family. Probably also because I didn’t get the well needed time off. It was super lame and I am glad its over. I am pretty sure my female emotional hole was eating Shane a bit. BUT ITS ALL GOOD NOW! S’ALL GOOD! Emotional retardation is over. Lets see what else?
Went to the Stampede with Shane and a bunch of friends from all over the place. It was good times. Dusty picked me up twice. Both with out me expecting it. Once was me walking in front of him looking for everyone else and BAM he scooped me up from the legs and started running. In the end I was screaming like a freak (so many weird looks) I was nearly dropped. And then when we were chillin’ waiting for the fireworks (or was it after…) and he scooped me off the damn stairs. I was clinging to him for dear life and then let go and nearly went into the pavement, I caught myself thought. Shane and I got our pictures taken like the old west. It was fun times.
I then went to see Melissa’s horse with her yesterday. Lordy it was silly good times.

Sadly this small update is all I have.  Oh and to see the picture of Shane and I go to my flickr link. There are also horse riding picutres there too.