Today was the worst day ever. I get to work exhausted from a shitty sleep because of my dream (that will come later). I am told the instant I get into the basement that I am working with Pat. So I fill up a buggy and go to out section to find the fucking places if full of team rooms and that almost all our rooms are booted. That section has 20 rooms. We did 19 of them. 19×2 is how many beds I made today. 4 shit encrusted toilets. Honestly. I want to know what those people were eating to make shit splatter like that. It was nasty. The rooms were pretty gross. And ha great morning finding out that 2 people called in sick and one person didn’t show up. That puts the already understaffed day even more understaffed and fucked. Means no one can get help because no one can finish their sections in time. Also Tyson was being sloth like today and took his sweet fucking time to strip the rooms. So it took even LONGER to get the rooms done. It really didn’t help that Pat was incredibly bitter all day and swore at everything. That made me feel bitter. By the last two rooms my head was pounding more than ever, my back was so stiff i could hardly bend to make the beds, my legs were protesting to hold me up, as well as my stomach hating me for sleeping so poorly and my ribs were aching. So we phoned to ask if they needed the last room at the front desk. They didn’t of fucking fuck yes. We wouldn’t have made it. It really didn’t help that I had to run back and forth to get us supplies for our room ever 45 minutes or so. We finished 19 rooms at 5. If we had done that one it would have been 5:30. I would have been an hour over time as opposed to a half hour. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over so I can sleep in for 2 days. My body needs it. I would have loved to sit down and not move for a good hour when I came home. But I forgot that it was Sunday and that today was Adam’s birthday so I was told to stop being grumpy shower and get back down stairs because family would be here soon. Ugh. Needless to say I know how my pills react with alcohol now.
And that clusterfuck of a day brings me to my clusterfuck of a dream.
I drempt that I had multiple personalities. I mean I already kinda do but this was in a different way. One was a man and the other was me now. The male was the dominant of the two because it was the side of me that had confidence so it led the way through life. But it also had a freak arrogance that made some people hate him. I remember jumping back and forth between the two people how my voice changed and how my body language adjusted. It was fascinating almost. There were a few people that knew I absolutly needed to have this personality to keep my sanity. But there was some care taker of mine that was convinced I didn’t need the personality. So she set out to get rid of it. She had called it out of me and then did some freak ass ritual thing that showered me in this weird water that didn’t make me actually wet even though I felt it chill me to the bone. It was in no way a warm liquid. It felt as if I had been doused in ice. She ran out of the room as soon as I gasped and locked me in there. I started to shriek in pain and confusion. I clutched my head and fell to my knees and shrieked ” THE VOICE? WHERE DID IT GO? I NEED THE VOICES!!! WHY HAS IT GONE?! SHE TOOK IT FROM ME GIVE IT BACK!” I started to claw at my skin and as soon as the water drained someone ran into the room restraining my arms and looked at the care taker with this deadly look. told her that I needed that personality to function. She said that was bull shit and that I was faking it all. I had to be escorted out of the room to the hospital. I talked in simple English and I saw Brittany there. Her grandma had been hospitalized (which did happen yesterday) and I asked her how her grandma was doing. She gave me a weird look at how lost I seemed to be and answered. For some reason I thought a balloon would make it all better so I went in search for a balloon with sparkly stars because sparkles and stars make things grand. During my search on the second floor I got distracted from the window and I just stood mesmerized by the cars out side. That hideous care taker lady came up to me and said I had to go back to my room again and I freaked out again and started crying and screaming because I didn’t want her to take anything more from me and curled into a ball. Brittany found us and was running over and I woke up.
Really… that was such a fucked dream to have. I actually felt terrified during it. That hasn’t happened for a long time.
Marj is vein. It bothers me. We have 10 mirrors in this house. We don’t need that many. Really we don’t.
